In prison you spend the majority of time in an 8 x 10 cell. At work you spend most of your time in a 6 x 8 cubicle.

You get time off for good behaviour whereas at work you get rewarded by being given more work

In prison you get three meals a day and at work you only get a break for 1 meal which you have to pay for

In prison a guard locks and unlocks doors for you. At work you carry a security card round with you and you have to unlock and open all the doors yourself.

In prison you get to watch TV and play games but at work you would get fired for doing this.

At work you have to share a toilet with everyone else but in prison you get your own.

Family and friends can visit you in prison but at work they frown on you even speaking to them.

All your expenses are paid for you in prison, you don't have to work or buy a TV license or pay taxes whilst at work they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.

In prison you spend most of your time looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out whilst at work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

Employee Evaluation

John Jones, the head of the company asked his manager to write a detailed employment review describing Bob Smith, one of his programmers.

1. Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found

2. hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without

3. wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never

4. thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always

5. finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended

6. measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee

7. breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no

8. vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound

9. knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be

10. classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be

11. dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be

12. promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be

13. executed as soon as possible.

Signed ...

Jim

A memo was soon sent following the initial letter.

John,

That idiot was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines above (1, 3, 5, etc...) for my true assessment of him.

Regards ...

Jim"

Here's the new office game we can all play. See how many points you can get by the end of next week !!!

ONE-POINT OFFICE DARES
1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.
2) Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other)
'non-player' must be in the toilet at the time).
3) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
4) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye".
5) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
6) When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily,"Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!".
7) Leave your fly unzipped for one hour. If anyone points it out, > say,"Sorry,I really prefer it this way".
8) Walk sideways to the photocopier.
9) While riding in the lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

THREE-POINT DARES
1) Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that,I don't want to have to repeat it".
3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
5) Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINT DARES
1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points) if you actually launch into it yourself).
2) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".
4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".
5) After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. > As in "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.
6) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.
7) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!".
8) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again".
9) In a colleagues diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in > tights".
10) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"
11) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person:"Do you hear that?" "What?""Never mind, it's gone now".
12) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it".
13) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
14) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
15) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
16) Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.