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English: He is washing
his car
Chinese: Wa Shing Ka
English: This is a tow
away zone
Chinese: No Pah King
English: Is there a
fugitive here?
Chinese: Hu Yu Hai Ding?
English: Small Horse
Chinese: Tai Ni Po Ni
English: Did you go to
the beach?
Chinese: Wai Yu So Tan?
English: It's very dark
in here
Chinese: Wai So Dim?
English: Has your
flight been delayed?
Chinese: Hao Long Wei Ting?
English: I thought you
were on a diet?
Chinese: Wai Yu Mun Ching?
English: Your body odor
is offensive
Chinese: Yu Stin Ki Pu
English: You are not very bright
Chinese: Yu So Dum
English: You know
lyrics to the Macarena?
Chinese: Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?
English: I got this for
free
Chinese: Ai No Pei
English: Phew! Does
this bathroom stink!
Chinese: Hu Flung Dung?
A Change of Wedding Vows
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar
with an unusual offer.
"Look, I'll give you £100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When
you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honour
and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,'
I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed
the minister £100 in notes and walked away satisfied.
It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have
moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged.
When it comes time for the groom's vows, the vicar looks the
young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate
yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her
breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally
before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look
at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "I
do."
The groom leaned toward the vicar and hissed, "I thought we had
a deal."
The vicar put his hand in his pocket, taking out a £100 and pressing into the grooms hand, he whispered back,
"She made me a much better offer."
Three Wishes
Three women were out golfing one day and one of them hit her ball
into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found
a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will
grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I
forgot to mention that there was a condition to your wishes- that
whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or
better."
The woman said, "That would be fine." For her first wish she
wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog
warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your
husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women
will flock to him."
The woman replied, "That will be okay, because I will be the most
beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."
So, poof - she's the most beautiful woman in the world.
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the
world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in
the world, and he will be 10 times richer than you."
The woman said, "That will be okay, because what is mine is his,
and what is his is mine..." So, poof, she's the richest woman in
the world.
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered,
"I'd like a mild heart attack."
Who wears the Pants?
A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on
their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband
who was a big burly man tossed his pants to his bride and said,
"Here, put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I
can't wear your pants," she said.
"That's right," said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it.
I'm the man and I wear the pants in this family."
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as
his kneecaps.
"Heck," he said, "I can't get into your panties!"
She replied, "That's right, and that's the way its going to be
until your attitude changes!"
Mozart takes a bus
A young couple trying to live up to a snobbish lifestyle went to a party. The conversation soon came to Mozart, "Absolutely brilliant…lovely…oh, a fine fellow…a genius, Mozart was."
The woman, wanting to get in on the conversation remarked, "Ah, Mozart. You're so right. It was just this morning that I saw him getting on the No.20 bus going to Erdington."
There was a sudden hush and all eyes were turned toward her. The husband pulled her aside and angrily barked, "We're leaving right now."
In the car on the way home the wife turned to the husband and said, "You’re really mad about something aren't you?"
"How could you tell? My goodness! I've never been so embarrassed in my life! You saw Mozart take the No.20 bus to Erdington, huh? Everybody knows that the No.20 Bus doesn't go to Erdington!"
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