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Idiot
Jokes
Spot the Idiot
1) I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when
the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything
in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If
it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled
and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."
2) The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe
to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually
challenged co worker of mine, when she asked if I knew
what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals
to blind people when the light is red. She responded,
appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving!"
3) At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear co worker
who is leaving the company due to "downsizing," our
manager spoke up and said, "this is fun. We should have
lunch like this more often," Not another word was spoken.
We just looked at each other like deer staring into
the headlights of an approaching truck.
4) I worked with an Individual who plugged her power
strip back into itself and for the life of her could
not understand why her system would not turn on.
5) When my husband and I arrived at the car dealership
to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been
accidentally locked in it. We went to the service department
and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the
driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger's
side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered
it was open. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's
open!" "I know," answered the young man. "I already
got that side..."
Generally
Stupid Questions
A stitch in time saves nine. Nine what?
Are there any unguided missiles?
Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road
signs that say "Do Not Pass"?
How can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?
Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where
do they keep it?
Do blind dogs have seeing-eye humans?
Do hummingbirds hum because they don’t know the words?
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up
over'?
Does a man-eating shark eat women, too?
Does that screwdriver really belong to Phillip?
How can you tell when it is time to tune your bagpipes?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with
sushi?
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
If you can't drink and drive, why do pubs have car parks?
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several
times, does he become disoriented?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they
taste funny?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw
hamburgers?
Was the pole vault accidentally discovered by a clumsy
javelin thrower?
What do you call a bedroom with no bed in it?
What do you say if you're talking to God, and he sneezes?
What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?
What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where
do you tell them to go?
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